Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My Cherry Has Been Popped!

I am an addict.

A Twitter addict.

I started by following Jenny and Emily, then added Jim and Shannon (better known by their alter egos: BusyDad and Mr. Lady).

I had all these Twitter updates going to my Blackberry, but it got to the point that my phone was making so much noise at work I had to turn the update off during the day.

Now, I have my new laptop, so I can Twitter from home and work:)

This post is to recognize my very first blog follower. She is a fellow Twitter addict and blogger that I am following and enjoying reading! So this post is for you Stesha!

Thanks for popping my cherry!!!

The Joys of Having an "Adult" Male Child




And I do use the term "adult" loosely. Not only can he not throw his trash away properly, he also "borrows" my camera without telling me.




Dustyn: "What are you doing?"


Me: "Importing all these pictures off the camera onto my new laptop."


Dustyn: "Oh my God! Give me the camera. NOW!"


Me: "I can't just stop what I'm doing, Dustyn."


Dustyn: "Seriously, you need to give me the camera."


Me: "Why do I need to give you the camera?"


Dustyn: "I took some pictures that I don't want you to see."


Me: "Pictures of what?"


Dustyn: "Do you really want to know?"


Me: "Umm, no. Here's the camera."

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hair Tip Tuesday!


Pink...It's the new black!

Monday, December 29, 2008

The Sea of Love...

I have kissed my share of frogs trying to find my Prince Charming. I had 2 very long term relationships with men that were verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. In the 17 years that those 2 relationships totalled, I was blessed with my most prized posessions---5 of the most beautiful children I could ever ask for! Even though I made the conscience decision to bear these 5 children, most of which were unplanned, I knew I did not want to spend the rest of my life with either of these 2 men. No matter how good things would become in either relationship, and no matter how much either of them would beg, I refused to get married. I know this sounds ridiculous coming from someone who has 5 kids out of wedlock, but I believe that the vow of marriage is serious, and it is something I want to do one time, and one time ONLY!

Now, I have always been a huge fan of internet dating websites. My favorite is Plentyoffish.com. This site is my favorite because it’s FREE!!! I think, for me, the draw to internet sites is that I can just chat with people if that’s all I choose to do. I can usually get them to tell me enough information (last name and city of residence) so that I can do a court record search on them. But even after they pass the record check and we have hours of interesting conversation, most still turn out to be fruitcakes---with extra nuts! Like the guy who swore he was 5’6”, but I’m only 5’4” and I could see over the top of his head…oh yea, and he didn’t have any teeth but he forgot to mention that! Or the guy who I meet at a public park for 2 hours. He blew up my instant messenger (which directed to my Blackberry) for the next week. He told me that I “completed him” and that he could not imagine his life with out me. Can you say, “BLOCK???” I looked at it this way---at least it gave me something to laugh about!

At the beginning of April I got a response to my personal add. I was actually caught offguard by this email. This particular man was very handsome and well educated. His profile was very sincere and not a blatent sexual inuendo like a lot of the profiles tended to be. He didn’t gloat about what he possessed, only told a little about himself. We exchanged emails and started chatting soon after. We chatted for hours at a time every evening when the kids had gone to bed. We had so much in common! We were bonding over Pop-Tarts and coupons! We started texting each other soon after. I would see a “Good Morning!” text from him every single morning. I felt as though he were becoming my best friend; I told him everything. At the end of June, he FINALLY asked if I would like to go out on a date. Would I? Seriously? I thought you were never going to ask!

On July 6, I pulled up next to his car at the Xenia Wal-Mart. I caught a glimpse of him from the side and my heart skipped a beat. I thought to myself, “He is never going to want to be with me.” He looked up at me with his beautiful smile and sparkling eyes and I thought I would pass out right there in my car! We went to Applebee’s for lunch. The waitress came to the table 4 times and asked if we were ready to order before we even opened our menus! He kept complimenting me on how nice I looked, and I was worried that I was drooling :) After our meal, he asked if I would like to go to a nearby park to sit and talk. Hell yes I did! I didn’t want this date to end! We sat at a picnic table, facing each other, and talked for hours. I saw his fingers inching closer to mine, and he finally asked if he could hold my hand. We held hands and talked and he FINALLY asked if he could kiss me. How wonderful to be on a date with a true gentleman! His lips were so soft and warm against mine…

It was when we said our “Good bye’s” at the car at the end of the date that we decided that we were going to hide out online profiles and invest our time on each other. This has been the happiest 6 months of my life! (9 if you count our chat time) Even though we don’t get to spend much time together because of the 50 miles that separate us, we make the most of the time we do have. We love to spend time with our kids, who have become buddies and playmates. He is the most wonderful father I have ever met! I have always said that I was not a warm and snuggly person, but with him, one hug is never enough.

He is the first man I can actually envision spending the rest of my life with. He is my Prince Charming!

Has it Really Been 6 Whole Months???

I have not posted a blog for 6 months! 6 months to. the. day. So much has happened in those 6 months, I don't even know where to begin! Well, I have a new laptop and I am ready to play on it, so what better way that to blog, blog, blog!!!

Enjoy!!!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

What's Grosser Than Gross???

When you are cleaning up the bathroom trash that your daughter's dog tore through and you find a used condom....and you know that it was used by your almost 18 year old son!!!

Now granted, I do give him credit for being responsible enough to use a condom...but DUDE....throw it in your own trash can!!!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Weirdos in the Toy Isle...

I was on a mission this evening. I promised Owen I would buy him a new Transformer. He told me that he wanted the “helicopter” Transformer. I told him that I would try my best to find it for him…he told me to go to Target!

So…I made a pit-stop at Target on my way home from work tonight to get his “helicopter” Transformer. Of coarse, being a Target lover and being child free at this particular time, I browsed the store for a while. I got a really cool chocolate-brown cloth hamper with a removable laundry bag for the bathroom…WOW! Did I really get excited about a hamper??? I got a make-up organizer for my bathroom…I wonder if having my make-up organized will magically make extra time appear for me to actually put it on??? I also got some paper towels and some new plastic cups for the kids to use since every time they take one out of the kitchen the invisible monster who lives in our house runs off with it and it’s never seen again! But enough about what I got, this story is supposed to be about the “helicopter” transformer.

Anyway…I finally made it to the toy isle. We frequent the Transformer section of Target quite frequently, so I knew exactly where to go. There was a very “interesting” looking gentleman standing in front of the Transformers. I just assumed he was looking for a Transformer for one of his kids…though I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to breed with him, but to each his own! He had this teeny-tiny little head on a skinny little neck, which was connected to droopy shoulders, a ginormous Buddha-belly, and chicken legs. His face was covered with patchy stubble. To top it off, he had a horrible odor wafting from his body.

I started browsing through the Transformers and he looked at me and said,

“Is there any Transformer in particular you are looking for tonight?”

(Dude…are you serious??? You don’t work here…you’re not wearing a name tag and you’re not sporting the red polo!)

“Ummm…I am looking for the “helicopter” one.” I said.

“Oh, they are out of that one. In fact, I haven’t seen it here in a while.” He replied, matter of factly.

“Oh, ok.” I said. I continued to look through them to try to find one the child does NOT own…

“Here…this is the only “helicopter” they have.” He said, handing me a box. He was obviously proud to have found one for me.

“Oh, thank you. This will do just fine.” I said, taking the box from him.

I tossed it in the cart and walked away before he tried to help me find anything else in the store.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Does He Really Exist???

What qualities are considered necessary to create the “perfect man”?

I’m not talking about the “perfect looking” man; I’m talking about a man who is marriage material. These are a few of the qualities I consider necessary:

1) Employment (Unless your name is Joeprah, you need to have a J-O-B!)
2) Teeth (Gums are only cute if you are 1 or 100)
3) Maturity (If I wanted to hang out with a teenager, I would hang out with my son!)
4) Compassion (You have to care about someone other than yourself)
5) Self-Control (Active addictions are not conducive to my career, and I am not looking for another verbal, mental, or physical abuser)
6) Honesty (A relationship can not be built on lies!)
7) Morals & Values (I don’t want to worry about taking you out in public!)
8) Correct Grammar (“Gots” is not a word, so please don’t say it!)
9) Affectionate (A hug after a long day is a wonderful stress reliever)
10) Parenting Skills (Parents need to be a team, it’s the only healthy way to raise kids)

Yes, I have dated my share of losers. It’s like I have a neon sign above my head that reads “WILL FEED AND HOUSE THE UNEMPLOYED.” Or, I find the guy who thinks we made a “real connection,” yet I thought we had nothing in common. I wrack my brain trying to figure out what “connection” he thought we made…who knows? Maybe he has always dated losers too.

So…where do I find this “perfect man”?

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Love/Hate

I have a love/hate relationship.

It's been going on for as long as I can remember.

I LOVE shoes...I HATE my feet...

I have large feet...I wear a size 10 shoe. My feet are kind of on the wide side, and I think I'm getting bunions (thanks, Mom!). I don't have much of an arch either, so I have to have some support in my shoes since I do hair and I stand all day.

Sandal season is here...this time of year sucks for me and my big, ugly feet. I can't do flat shoes, so all of those cute little flip-flops are out of the question. And this season, it seems that the Wedge has made a come back. Can you say, "Not for Shelli!" Have you seen how narrow those shoes are? My feet ooze out over the sides. Not to mention that I would probably fall and break my ankle in them anyway...That pretty much leaves me with old lady-looking shoes. Comfortable shoes. I dont want comfortable shoes...I want cute shoes!!!

Winter also poses a problem for me. I love to wear boots. My dream is to have a cute pair of hi-heel boots that come damn near up to my knee. Want to know why that will never happen? That will never happen because those boots are only made for women with calves the size of Nicole Ritchie's. My calves...they are more the size of Nicole Ritchie's torso. Who the hell makes these boots? And who do they make them for? I'm sure I'm not the only calf-challenged woman that wants some hot boots!

I own sooooo many pairs of shoes. They look so cute in the box. They have such inviting names. The shoes call out to me, so I buy them. Then, I get them home...try them on...and I cry...then I throw them in my closet...

But, no matter what...I will not resort to wearing the monstrosity known as Crocs!!!


Thursday, June 5, 2008

Awww...How Sweet...NOT!!!

Sophie, Owen, Ella-Bella and I were driving to Beavercreek on Saturday for Sophie's softball tournament. Sophie and I were talking about how much trouble she was going to be in since we were running a few minutes late. Owen and Ella-Belle were being very quiet in the back seat...this is usually not a good thing. Out of the blue, Owen said to me:

Owen: "Mommy, you look really pretty!"
Me: " I do?"
Owen: "Yea, you look really pretty!"
Me: "Awww, Owen, that was very nice of you to say to Mommy!"

(Brief pause from the back seat)

Owen: "Mommy?"
Me: "What baby?"
Owen: "Can we get a toy?"

Oh my God! Is he serious? Did my sweet little 5 year old just tell me that I looked pretty to butter me up? I think he's been spending to much time with Valerie!!!

Saturday, May 31, 2008

You Know You've Been Ignoring Your Blog When....

I haven't blogged in soooo long that I actually forgot my password and had to have it reset!

I think I need a vacation!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Mommy...What's So Funny???


Owen, Owen, Owen...you are always good for a laugh...


Mommy: "Hey, Owen, what did you eat at daddy's house today?"
Owen: "I had a apple, cereal with no milk, and a bologna sandwich with no bologna, just bread and cheese and ketchup."
Mommy: (I am laughing so hard I can hardly speak) "What kind of sandwich did you have?"
Owen: "A bologna sandwich- one with only bread and cheese and ketchup. Daddy was out of bologna. "
Mommy: "Why are you calling it a bologna sandwich is there was no bologna on it?"
Owen: "Umm...I don't know. What am I supposed to call it?"
Mommy: "Well, I think you could just call it a cheese sandwich."
Owen: "Oh! I didn't know that. Mommy? Why are you laughing?"

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Picnik...My New Favorite Pastime

I heard from a friend of mine that their are some cool photo editing websites online. I decided to check them out. So far, my favorite it Picnik. I think I may have found a new obsession! I took some of the crappiest pictures of myself and made them look sooo cool!

Check out what I did:





This last picture is of Sophie, not me, but she is my twin!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

To Kill A...


Pie Bird


I took Valerie to a couple's house to look at some Burberry purses tonight. They were an older couple from England. Their house was immaculate. They had thousands of neatly organized knick-knacks. One wall had built-in shelves. The bottom shelf was covered with penguins.


At least I thought they were penguins...


As I was writing the check for Valerie's purchase, I heard a crash.


As Valerie was flinging her sweatshirt on, she knocked 2 of the "penguins" off the shelf. One managed to hit the floor and roll, but the other was not so lucky. He suffered a broken beak, and his feet fell off. Valerie was mortified...I was mortified...Josh laughed at us with his face in his hands. Valerie picked up the pieces and handed them to the man, apologizing profusely. Then the man told us about the "penguin".


It was a Pie Bird. A Pie Bird is an English tool used to let the steem out of a pie instead of cutting holes in the crust.


We apologized some more, and he assured us not to worry. When we got to the car, Josh scolded Valerie for not being more careful. Valerie said she felt bad, but since he had about 100 of them, she didn't think he'd miss that one...

Sunday, May 4, 2008

My Baby Ella Belle


In Full Swing...

The sun is shinning; the weather is warming up.

The trees have leaves; the grass is green again.



What does all this mean?



It's time to PLAY BALL!!!



Thursday, April 24, 2008

You Call That Hell Week?

Last week was the week from HELL!

Now, I know that Joeprah seems to think he had it a little rough with his Hell Week, but I do believe my hell week makes his hell week look like a vacation!

Judge for yourself:

Monday:
8:00am: I dropped Owen and Ella-Belle off at their dad's. Owen and Ella-Belle are not morning people, so this is not an easy task!
8:30am-10:50am, 11:00am-12:50pm, and 1:00pm-2:20pm: I had classes at Clark State.
3:30pm: Pick Ella-Belle up from her dad's.
4:00pm: Take Ella-Belle to see the Doctor for her 4yr checkup.
4:45pm: Drop Ella-Belle back off at her dad's.
5:00pm: Run in Kroger and pick up a few groceries.
5:45pm: Pick up Valerie's boyfriend, Josh.
6:15pm: Make a scrumptious dinner:)~
7:30pm-9:00pm: Work on Bio/psycho/social assessment for homework.
9:30pm: Take Josh home and pick up the little kids from their dad's.
10:00pm: Get back home, get the kids bathed and into bed.
11:00pm-2:00am: Work on Bio/psycho/social assessment more.
Tuesday:
9:00am: Drop the little kids off at pre-school.
9:30am: Attend a meeting on my practicum requirement for Clark State@ the campus.
10:40am: Leave Clark State and rush back home (15 miles across town)
11:00am: Pick up Valerie and Princess Payton to take Payton to the vet.
11:15am: Take Payton to the vet.
11:45am: Run Payton back home and try to get to work by noon.
12:00-3:00pm: Work!
3:00pm: Run back across town to pick up a copy of Dustyn's insurance card that he lost.
3:45-6:00pm: Work!
6:05pm: Meet Dustyn at the Doctor's office.
7:00pm: Pick up the little kids from their dad's, then pick up Josh and Valerie at Josh's.
7:30-8:30pm: Watch the end of Sophie's softball practice.
8:45pm: Drop Josh off at home.
9:15pm: Get home, get the little kids bathed and to bed.
10:00pm-2:00am: More homework!
Wednesday:
8:00am: Drop the little kids off at pre-school.
8:30am-2:20pm: I have classes at Clark State.
2:30pm: Run home and pick up Valerie.
3:30pm: Valerie eye doctor appointment.
4:15pm: Pick up Josh and run him and Valerie to our house.
4:45pm: Head back to school...I got on the highway and got STUCK behind a wreak for an hour.
6:00pm: Arrive at class 30minutes late because of highway accident.
8:00pm: Leave class and run back out by my house to watch Sophie's softball practice for her other team.
8:45: Pick up Valerie and Josh. Drop Josh off at home and pick up the little kids from their dad's.
9:30pm: Get home and we all went straight to bed!
Thursday:
9:30am: Drop the little kids off at pre-school and go to work.
10:00am-10:00pm: Work! Sophie had practice, but someone else took her and dropped her off at work to me.
10:15pm: Pick up the little kids from their dad's and go home and put the kids to bed.
11:00pm-2:00am: Homework!
Friday:
7:30am: Drop the little kids off at pre-school.
8:00am-10:40pm: WORK!!!
11:00pm: Got home and worked on homework.
2:00am: Went to bed. The little kids stayed the night at Mamaw and Papaw's house, woohoo!
Saturday:
The Ultimate Day From Hell
8:00am: Go to the ballpark for Sophie's softball tournament.
10:30am: Run to work in between games to color some hair!
12:30pm: Pick up Josh and go back to the ballpark for another game.
2:30pm: Run back to work in between games to cut some hair!
4:00pm: Run back to the ballpark for the final game of the day.
6:00pm: Run back to work to color more hair after the final game of the day was rained out!
8:00pm: Left work and took the kids to TGIFriday's for dinner.
9:30pm: Dropped Josh off at home and picked up the little kids from my parent's house.
10:15pm: Started on homework.
2:00am: Went to bed.
Sunday:
8:00am: Drop Sophie and Valerie off at ballpark.
8:30am: Pick up Josh and go back to ballpark.
9:00am-11:00am: Watch Sophie play softball while Owen and Ella-Belle climbed all over me.
11:30am-1:45pm: Went home in between games and did some laundry and more school work.
2:00pm: Back to ballpark to watch another of Sophie's games.
5:00pm: Games were over for Sophie's team. I ran Valerie, Josh, and Owen to the mall, then home. I went back to the ballpark and Sophie and I watched the final game. Ella-Belle went to play with her cousin at Mamaw and Papaw's house.
7:00pm: Went home and worked on more school work.
9:00pm: Ran Josh home.
9:30pm-2:00am: Worked on more school work and then finally put and end to my Hell Week!

I put over 500 miles on my car that week. I was gone from my house for at least 12 hours every day. I wouldn't trade my busy life for anything:)

Monday, April 14, 2008

Introducing...Me:)

I just realized that I have never posted a picture of myself on my blog. I didn't have any on my computer, so I did the next best thing...



I took my cell phone and took pictures of myself the same way my teen and 'tween daughters do. It was actually kinda fun.



So, here I am:

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Now THIS is ART!

Owen loves to draw, and he loves the Transformers. This is the latest artwork he brought home from pre-school. He was very upset because he said,


"I gave my Transformer lots of arms, and everybody keeps sayin' that one of his arms is a weiner and it's not!"


Judge for yourself:

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Will Feed and House the Unemployed

I feel that I am deserving of a man who is willing to worship the ground I walk on.

What woman wouldn't want that for herself?

No matter how moody or snippy my mom was to my dad, my dad always bent over backwards to make her happy. He farmed, and worked a full time job, so that she could stay at home and raise the 4 of us. After we were old enough to fend for ourselves, my dad supported her when she wanted to start a career as a tax preparer. My dad just retired this past December and my mom is still doing taxes. He takes her to work every day, comes home and cleans the house, then goes back and picks her up and takes her to dinner so she doesn't have to cook. I have never heard my parents argue.

They broke the mold when they made my dad!

This is how I always envisioned my life would turn out. A loving husband that worships the ground I walked on. A man who would take care of me. A true partner for life.

Is this what I attract? NOT!

I think I have a big neon sign over my head that reads, "Will feed and house the unemployed."

I don't know how to make it go away!

Now I admit, I made a huge mistake in high school by dating an older guy with no job. Hey- I was in high school-what did I know? Moral of this experience? Don't have unprotected sex. Yep, I got pregnant. Don't get me wrong, Dustyn, Valerie and Sophie are awesome kids, but I wish I would have waited. I had 3 kids by the time I was 24. It took me 11 years to get away from that mess. I always worked to pay the bills. Him-not so much. He was an alcoholic, drug addict, and also very abusive to me. I finally found the strength to leave...only to meet mistake #2.

Ya gotta love internet dating. That is where I meet the next one. He just popped on my screen one day. We talked for a few months before we meet, and I had no intention of even dating him, much less having his kids. But, I fell for him. He had these beautiful eyes. He also had a college education. To me, this meant he would get a well paying job. WRONG! In the 6 years we were together, he didn't work more than 1 month-total. It took me over 18 months of "suggesting" we should seperate, and 9 months of telling him to "Get your sh*t and get out!" before he finally did it. I did get Owen and Ella-Belle out of the deal, so it wasn't a total loss, but he wreaked my house. Holes in my walls, holes in my yard, trash everywhere-it will take me a while to clean up his mess, but at least I am free!

I have decided to turn over a new leaf. I'm not going to settle. I want to be worshiped. I am a beautiful woman with a lot to offer-I am not going to let some unemployed loser take advantage of me ever again!

Monday, April 7, 2008

You're going to be a what???

This is the start of week 2 for my classes. I am studying to be a Social Worker. Right now we are talking about how to form a hypothesis about a person's situation from information we gather from different sources. I plan to go into the Chemical Dependency/Addictions field. I'm not sure exactly what aspect of the field I want to persue, but I know I have a passion for the field of Addictions.

I have meet some fascinating people in my year of college. There are quite a few that I have had numerous classes with. Most of us are not right out of high school, which makes it easier for us to relate to eachother, as most of us are juggling jobs and children along with college.

After a while, you get to know who is going to be a good Social Worker and who needs to look for another field of interest. It has only taken me until week 2 to pick out a classmate that needs to make another career choice.

This girl comes to class every day with jeans on. Now, the jeans are not the problem, it's the way she wears them that is the problem. No, her butt crack is not hanging out and her thong is not showing. This girl takes one leg of her jeans and rolls it all the way up to her knee-and doesn't roll the other one. She leaves the other leg uncuffed and to her ankle. Does she seriously think that is cute? She also has 2 facial piercings: eyebrow and side of her lip. I do not have a problem with piercings; I have my eyebrow done. But if you are going to wear a stud in your eyebrow, the post is not supposed to show, just the balls on either end. This girl obviously has a belly button ring stuck in her eyebrow. I don't know how she even opens her eye! Then there is her make-up. GOLD shimmery eyeshadow and GOLD shimmery lipstick. Ok, it's not really gold, it's more like a mix between silver and gold. Let's just say it's not attractive with her pastey white skin. And finally, there is the way she talks. I know the clothing and the make-up can be changed, but her articulation is deplorable! We are in college...we are not hanging out in the ghetto. And why would anyone who was studying to be a Social Worker sit in class and talk about how she's going to hunt down some girls and beat their asses because she knows that the guy she has been messing with for 7 and a half months is messing around with them too. Are you freakin' kidding me?!? Another girl in the class asked he why she would take it out on these other girls that her man was messing around on her, and she said that they should just know better than to mess with her man. HELLOOOO!!! Reality check here...you are going to get a disease from him-if you don't already have one!

And this girl wants to be a Social WOrker? I'm hypothesising that this girl probably has a Social Worker.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I Never Knew I Was So HOT!!!

AHHH...Krogering.

Never a dull moment for me at Kroger! Last week it was the man with the darling moustache.

This week, it was even better!

I was strolling down the freezer isle, trying to balance all my Aunt Jemima breakfast sandwhiches on the top of my fully-loaded cart, when a man aproached me. He said something to me, but he spoke so low that I didn't understand him. I assumed he was trying to find something in the store and was asking me for help. From what I could make out of what he said, I thought he was looking for the bathroom. The following was our conversation:

Him: "Mumble mumble mumble?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't hear your, what did you ask?"
Him: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: (In my head I'm thinking, 'Holy shit! Did he seriously just ask me that?!' I know I didn't hear that right!') "I'm sorry, could you please repeat that? I'm not sure if I heard you."
Him: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: (Crap! He did ask me that!) "Yes, I do."
Him: "You do?"
Me: "Yes, I do. Sorry."

At this point, I walked away. I went into the next isle, and a couple minutes later-there he was! He aproached me again. Now, you have to understand, he spoke very, very low, and I have limited hearing in one of my ears, so I could not hear this guy talk!

Him: "Mumble mumble mumble?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."
Him: "Mumble mumble mumble?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I still didn't hear you."
Him: "Mumble mumble mumble?"
Me: "I'm really sorry, but I don't hear very well, could you please say that one more time?"
Him: (By this time, his lips are damn near in my ear!) "Can I still give you my number?"
Me: (Is he freaking serious?!?!) "Oh, I couldn't do that!"
Him: "Come on, you won't just take my number?"
Me: (OK, time to lie) "Look, I'm married and I have 5 kids, I really can't take your number!"
Him: "Are you sure?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I just can't do that. Sorry!"

I walked away. I looked over my shoulder the rest of the time I was in the store. I was sure the guy was going to follow me out to my car. Luckily, he gave up.

Now, I have not been happy with my little kid's dad for years. I finally got his unemployed, loser-a$$ out of my house. I was very flattered to have someone ask me out, or even show interest in me-it's been a very long time! I would love to meet Mr. Right!

Now, here are the real reasons I did not want his number:

1. His teeth-the guy had a full gold grill-not attractive!
2. His headcovering-stockings are for legs, not heads-unless you plan to rob a bank!
3. His jeans-I have a 17 year old son that doesn't wear his jeans that damn baggy-you wear a 32, not a 42!
4. His stature-dude! I'm only 5'4" and you were no taller than me-I just can't do that!

Monday, March 31, 2008

My Disassociative Identity


Every time I leave the security of my home, and venture out into public, I take on a new persona. A disassociative identity, if you will. I am no longer a busy mom of 5, career woman, and full time college student. When I leave the house, I become...

The Hair Police.

I can spot a home dye job a mile away. In fact, I walk down the home hair color isle just to watch people try to pick out their own hair color...that's some funny shit right there! Come on, people, do you honestly think that just because the color on the box says 'light ash blonde' that it is going to turn your jet black hair that color? Common sense, people, common sense! Go ahead and dump that color on your head...then you can pay me twice as much to correct it when you end up looking like Ronald McDonald.

I also can't help but to critique every hair cut I see. Not to blow my own horn, but I can cut one mean inverted bob. That is one cut that is easy to screw up, and most of the ones that I see are a hot mess! If I am in a situation where I have to look at someone's screwed up hair cut for too long, I will actually start to envision how I would fix the cut.

This disassociative identity of mine drives my kids crazy. Not so much because I am always pointing out bad hair and making semi-rude comments about the hair, but more because I have rubbed off on my kids. Yes, they are Deputy Hair Police! They, too, will point out the folliclely challanged. They will spout off with comments like,

"Why would anyone walk around with their roots grown clear down to their ears?!"

It's almost like a type of schitzophrenia. I can't ignore the little voices in my head that say,

"Holy crap, look at her jacked up highlight!"

I try to ignore them...but they won't go away...I think I need medication...I've been like this for almost 20 years now...I want the voices to stop!

OK, so maybe they aren't real voices. Maybe I just can't leave work at work. Maybe I just live in a town full of inept hair designers; some who actually think the mullet is still in style.

Or maybe I just want to save Springfield, one bad 'do at a time!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

From the Mind of Ella Belle

You know how kids have a unique way of expressing what they are trying to say? My kids are no different. Ella-Belle and I had the following conversation this afternoon:

Ella-Belle: "Mommy, my foot hurts, bad!"
Me: "Where's it hurt, Belle?"
Ella-Belle: "It hurts when I try to lift it up."
Me: "Did you step on something?"
Ella-Belle: "Nooo! It's going 'THHHH'."
Me: "It's doing what?!"
Ella-Belle: "My foot, it keeps doing this, 'THHHHH'!"
Me: "OH! Ella-Belle, your foot is asleep!"
Ella-Belle: "Well how do I wake it up???"

Ok, I admit, I am laughing to hard to even try to think of an answer for that! I just gave her a big ole hug and that seemed to cure her affliction:)

(If you are having trouble deciphering 'THHHH', stick your tounge between your teeth and make the 'th' sound in the word 'there'.)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Excuse me, Sir, You have a little something on your lip...

Ok, so I went Krogering this afternoon.

I always see a few things while in the store that make me giggle, or make me gasp.

Today, I saw something I have never seen in my entire 30some years.

I was in the frozen food isle, scoping out the veggie sale stickers, when I saw it...I had to do a double take. There, right next to the frozen corn section, stood an older gentleman. He looked normal at first glance. Then, I spotted the anomaly.

At first, I thought to myself, "Wow! He really has a pencil thin moustache..."

Then, I looked a little closer.

This man had literally DRAWN on his moustache with an eyeliner pencil. I couldn't help but to stare in awe and ask myself, "Why?!"

I mean, what if his lip got sweaty? Wouldn't it rub off, or at least smudge? What if he kissed his wife? I shudder to think of the mess that would make.

I am a firm believer in "To each his own" but this is probably the strangest thing I have ever seen...

Monday, March 24, 2008

Karma Sutra and Strawberry Body Dust

Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

Let me set the scene for ya...

Easter Sunday at my parent's house. My oldest brother, his wife, and 5 kids are there. My youngest brother is there with his girlfriend. My sister and both my parents are there. I was there with all 5 of my kids. My oldest son has a bedroom at their house where he occasionally sleeps. This room used to belong to my sister. She is 33 and just moved out about 6 months ago, but still has lots of her crap there. He has his TV, Playstation 3, and the rest of his electronic equiptment in there. It looks like a normal teenager's room...clothes on the floor and piled up on the dresser...it's what else was on the dresser that caught everyone off-guard.

Karma Sutra for Lovers and Strawberry Body Dust.

It was a tiny little book, and a tiny little jar of body dust.

So now the big question...is it my sister's, or my 17 year old son's?

Well, my sister swears it isn't hers.

I am in denial that it actually belongs to my son. I just don't think 17 year old boys are in to that kind of thing;)

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

O'Charley's...Yummm!!! Next Time, Leave Ella-Belle at Home!


Who doesn't love O'Charley's? Those warm, soft, buttery rolls...yummm...I could make a meal on just those!
Valerie and I decided to go there for dinner after she was done with her OGT make-up test today. I had picked up Owen and Ella-Belle at pre-school, so they were joining us for dinner. They wanted McDonald's.
I should have listened to them!
The restaurant wasn't very crowded, but the hostess sat us at the round table way, way, way in the back corner. Valerie and I started looking at our menus and Owen started coloring on his. Ella-Belle yelled, loud enough for everyone in the place to hear,
"Mommy, I have to PEE!"
Wonderful. Of coarse we are as far from the restroom as we could possibly be. So I tell Valerie our drink orders, and off to the restroom we go!
Now, Ella-Belle can't just pick a toilet and use it. Ella-Belle has to look in every stall and point out it's flaws. One might still have pee in it, and for some reason, flushing it doesn't matter to her. One will have too much toilet paper, one won't have enough. Sooner or later she will pick a stall, and lock me out of it. She doesn't seem to care about toilet seat germs- and I can't win an argument with her...after all, she is almost 4!
So, she finally peed, and then we argued over whether or not she needed to wash her hands before or after she could get a mint out of the bowl on the sink.
(Why are there mints in a bowl on the sink in the bathroom?)
We made our way back to the table, where our drinks were waiting on us. We decided what we wanted to eat, and then ordered. And then the best part of the meal...
The warm, soft, buttery rolls!
Ella-Belle ate 2 of them, and Owen ate 1 (no comment on me). Our food arrived, and we all dug in. About 5 minutes into our meal, Owen chimed in,
"Mommy, I need to go potty..."
Grrrreatttt! OK, fine. I'm used to eating cold food anyway. All of a sudden, Ella-Belle decides she has to go again, too. I knew she didn't need to go again, so I made her stay at the table and eat, because the only thing worse than taking her to the bathroom, is taking her and Owen to the bathroom together.
Owen did his business without incident, other than he crawled out from under the bathroom door. I told him to get back in there and unlock the door, and he just giggled and push the door open and said,
"Ha, Ha! I tricked-ed you!"
We made our way back to the table, again. Ella-Belle is mad. I told her to eat her food and stop whining. So what does she do? She does what any normal child would do...
She peed on the chair!
And then, she laughed about it.
So how glad am I that we are sitting in the corner, away from everyone else??? We hurried up and got boxes for our food and high-tailed it outta there (I did clean the chair). I took her home, threw her in the bathtub (not literally) and told her she had to go to bed. That was at 7:00, it's now 10:30 and she's laying in my bed watching TV. I think I need to be more assertive:)


Sunday, March 16, 2008

Yuck Mouth

You ever wonder how many people get free medical care from the government every year? I am working on my degree in Social Services and Chemical Dependency, so I have occasion to frequent my local Department of Job and Family Services. I see a variety of people in this office every time I go in there. One benefit that the majority of them receive in common is free medical care. If you get a medical card, you get free vision, dental, and doctor care (among other things).

That leaves me with this question for a lot of these people I see:

Why the hell are you walking around with rotten teeth???


I mean, come on people! There are millions of middle class people with no health insurance that would give their left arm to have dental insurance! I just don't get it...That medical card will even pay for braces! I have about $10,000 wrapped up in my 2 teenager's smiles-that came out of my pocket. All I can do is sigh, and shake my head in disbelief.



Friday, March 14, 2008

Ask a Stupid Question...

My 17 year old son, Dustyn, hurt his foot playing football yesterday. This morning, I took him to the doctor to have it checked out. We were about 20 minutes late (NOT my fault! That's another post in itself!) so we had to wait for a little while to be seen.

The doctor decided Dustyn needed an X-ray. I knew that I had an opening until 2:00 at work, so I thought everything would be O.K. to take him to get the X-ray. I called work, just to double check, and low and behold I had a 12:00 appointment. Well, since it was 11:57, I figured I better haul ass to work.

On the way I called the X-ray center and asked if Dustyn could come by himself to get the X-ray since he's not quite 18 yet (see ticker at the bottom of this page). The woman on the phone said this to me,

"Are you giving us your verbal consent to X-ray him without you being here?"

Ummmm....let me think about that one for a minute....why else would I ask if he could come by himself if I wasn't consenting to it? I wonder what she would have said if I had told her "No."?

I hate stupid questions...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Question for All Genders...




Today was one of those days at pre-school that Owen was soooo looking forward to- it was sledding day!

Owen absolutely loves to go sledding. I mean, how many 5 year olds do you know that have their very own personal Siberian Husky dog sledding team? We have 10 Huskies, and they love to run sleds, and Owen loves to go dog sledding.

Unfortunatly, dog sledding is not allowed at pre-school.

Anyway, I was getting Owen dressed for his sledding adventure this morning when he said something that I thought only females said.

I was putting a new pair of snow pants on him. I had originally bought these pants for next year, but I couldn't find the ones he had been wearing this year (big surprize! I have the most ginormous laundry pile on the face of this earth!). They were a little large, but they had adjustable waistbands, so I knew I could make them work. Owen hopped in his new snow pants, gave himself the once-over, and said,

"Do you think these make my butt look big or something?"



Sunday, March 9, 2008

Ummm, Hmmm...Let me get back to you on that one...

"Mommy, do spiders have noses?"
-Owen

Would anyone with the correct answer, please, let me know!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The Beast is Back!




Softball season has arrived! This weekend kicks off our season with an indoor tournament in Indianapolis. This will be my daughter's 3rd year playing travel softball, and her 7th year playing regular softball.

Sophie has always been a great little player. This isn't just coming from a proud parent! She was that kindergartener that amazed everyone by playing 1st and 3rd base; she never played the outfield.


She is 11 years old, and her goal is to play college softball. I'm all for that!


She just started weight lifting, and she's already benching 80lbs-2 sets of 10. That's more than I can do:( She has been catching full time for that last year. It is amazing how much muscle she has built up in her legs, glutes, and arms. I guess anyone doing about 1000 squats a day would build up those glutes!


She has arms of steal! Last season, she had 25 throw-out at second base. She can hit like a beast, too. Actually, her nickname on her team is "Beast" because she is a beast with her bat. She hit 2 home runs last season, and they were both grand slams! One was infield, and the other one went 35 feet over the fence, for a total of 205 feet. That was such a neet thing to see. Her coach was jumping up and down. He high-fived her as she rounded third base, and her entire team was lined up at home plate to high-five her as she came in. She was beeming, as was I!


But best of all...she is modest. The last game of the season she was awarded a plaque for sportsmanship. She was chosen, by the umpires, from a total of about 80 girls. She doesn't rub it in to the other girls about how good she is...at least I better never catch her! She looks at her mistakes as a learning experience, and tries to grow from them; she never cries during a game.


Her motto? "Why would I cry? It's just a game! I just want to play softball!"






Saturday, March 1, 2008

Definition of a Dimwit


dim·wit
n. Slang
A stupid person.

Owen has decided that Ella-Belle is a dimwit.

I think dimwit is one of those words that kids are taught at preschool; at least mine were. Dimwit, and the phrase "Oh baby, sweet momma!"

Even thought I am a pretty laid back type of mom, I don't like my kids to call each other names. Sure, I laughed the first couple of times they said it. What parent wouldn't? The other day I had finally had enough. Ella-Belle isn't the one using the word; Owen always calls her a dimwit. This was our conversation:

Ella-Belle: "Mommy, Owen keeps calling me a dimwit!"
Me: "Owen, it is not nice to call people names. Dimwit is not a nice name, now stop calling her that!"
Owen: "But Mommy! Ella is a dimwit!"
Me: "Owen, she is not a dimwit."
Ella-Belle: "I am not a dimwit, Owen!"
Owen: "Yes she is! You know why she's a dimwit? She's a dimwit cause whenever I turn on that fan thing in your bedroom (ceiling fan) and it goes like this (he moves his hand back and forth) Ella thinks it's going to fall on her head and it's not! That's why she's a dimwit!"
Me: "Owen Wesley, that is still no reason to call your sister a dimwit! Now if I hear you do it again, you are going to stand in the corner."
Owen: "HUMPH!" (stomps off to his room)

Later that night....

I was on the computer doing homework and Ella-Belle was drawing a picture for
me.

Ella-Belle: "Mommy, look at the pretty picture I drew!" (abstract person-animal like figure, brightly colored)
Me: "That's beautiful, Ella-Belle! What is it?"
Ella-Belle: "It's a dimwit."

I give up!

Friday, February 29, 2008

When You Gotta Go...


Owen, Owen, Owen...

He learned a very valuable lesson this evening; one that he can use, perhaps, for the rest of his life.

Owen, Sophie, Ella-Belle, and the boyfriend that drives me insane were waiting in the car while Valerie and I went into a tattoo parlor (she was picking out a design and setting up an appointment). We ended up being in there for quite a while, and the 2 little kids were getting restless so Sophie came in to hurry us up. I finally talked Valerie into making up her mind at home and coming back later and we left.

When we got to the car, Owen was sitting in the driver's seat crying.

ME- "What's wrong, Buddy?"
OWEN- "I have to PEE!"
ME- "Oh, great!"

I knew I couldn't take him in the tattoo parlor, and I needed to think fast- he was about to explode!

ME- "Come here, Owen, you are going to pee on the tire!"
OWEN- "WHAT?!"
ME- "Just pull down your pants a little bit and pee on the tire."
OWEN- "But what if someone sees me?"
ME- "I'll hide you so no one will see you."
OWEN- "O.K."

Owen pulled his jeans down far enough to get his "winkie" out and started spraying the car.

He was GIGGLING so hard that his belly was bouncing up and down making his pee uncontrollable. I think he got it on my shoe.

He finished up, zipped his pants, and jumped in the car. He was so proud of himself that he couldn't wait to tell everyone what he did!

Now, I think I may have to worry that my child is going to randomly pee on car tires.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Bank or Matress???

On January 16, 2008, I noticed that there was a $250.00 charge to my bank account that I did not authorize.I immediatly called the bank to see what I needed to do. Since this transaction was "pending", I was told I would have to wait until it "posted" to file any paperwork regarding fraud.

So, I waited.

While I waited, I was charged overdraft fees #1,2&3 @ $34.00 a pop.

On January 18, the $250.00 charge posted to my account...but not until midnight. I called the bank the next morning, which happened to be a Saturday, and asked how I should proceed. I was told that, unfortunatly, I would have to wait until Tuesay to file my fraud report because Monday was a holiday. GRRR....

So, I waited.

Add overdrafts #4,5,6,7&8 @ $34.00 a pop.

I call on Tuesday. The bank manager told me I needed to come into the bank to fill out a paper and they would need a signature to proceed with my fraud claim. He told me I could go to any of this bank's branches. I happened to be driving passed a branch while I was talking to him, so I decided to go to that one. BIG MISTAKE!

I talked to the manager at that branch and explained to her the same thing I had told the other manager. I am convinced that this particular branch manager must be related to someone higher up, 'cause she sure as hell should not be managing a bank!

She had me file a dispute. This was mistake #1 on her part.(I found out later) I should have filled out an affidavid instead. I'm guessing she, as the manager, should have known this! She told me I would have my $250.00 and my overdraft fees refunded in 2-3 business days.

Friday, day 3, no money.

Overdraft #9,10,11,12&13 @ $34.00 a pop.

I called the manager and asked why I had not been refunded yet. She says she isn't sure (imagine that?) and she will check into it and call me back. Oh, and by the way, she asks me if I know my account is overdrawn.

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but have auto bill pay for quite a few things, including my house payment. I can't make them stop. No $#!+ my account is overdrawn! In my business, January is a slow month. I didn't have that much extra money to pull out of my @$$ for the bank to play with!

After 2 weeks,5 phone calls, and 19 total overdrafts I was told I would need to fill out the affidavid (ya think?). I went in and filled it out with a teller so it wouldn't get effed up. I was told I would have the $ refunded in 2-3 business days.

2 days later I was refunded $250.00 and $68.00 in overdraft fees.

$68.00! Are you effin kidding me???

I called the manager 5 more times. She always happened to be "busy" when I called (hmmmm). She would not return my calls. I called the fraud department myself. They finally returned me another $476.00 in overdraft fees and the $8.00 continuous overdraft fee I was charged. After I added it up, I realized they still shorted me $104.00!

My saga started on January 16, 2008...

I was finally refunded the rest of my money today: February 25, 2008.

Who did the final refund, you ask? It was that lovely bank teller!

And that's not all...I cancelled my debit card and ordered a new one so this would not happen again (they never did figure out how it happened in the first place). The bank I use give me 2 point per $ I spend and 25 points per check I write. I can use these to buy things like gas cards and other things. Well, I had about 30,000 or so points saved. When she cancelled my card, she wiped out my points!!!

OOPS! She missed the memo! She was supposed to call "lost or stolen" to cancel a card. And she got this job HOW???

But she got me 5,000 points back...whoopdeedoo...I have an email to customer service on this one.

I'm hiding my money in a matress from now on!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Why I wish I was Single...

I work an average of 50 hours a week.

I go to school on Monday (my day off) and Wednesday evenings.

This week, I am going to work on Monday before I go to school for 4 hours, so I won't really have my extra day off. So, what am I doing today, Sunday, on my only day off this weeks?

LAUNDRY & CLEANING

Why wouldn't I be? I mean, I do have 5 kids; 3 of which are perfectly capable of picking up after themselves. I also have one of those new-fangled stay-at-home-dads.

In my opinion, if I work and go to school and pay all the bills, I should not have to wash all the effing laundry and clean the entire effing house on my only effing day off!

And what does he do, you ask? Well, he sure doesn't watch the 2 little kids...they go to pre-school all day. And he hasn't taken out the trash in a MONTH! And he hasn't cleaned up the mess his litter of puppies made in the master bathroom (that we don't use because of this reason. btw, the puppies are loooong gone!).

He does play on my son's Playstation 3. All night long. He goes to bed when I get up with the kids. He sleeps all day. He usually gets up around 3:00 and calls me at work and has the nerve to say,

"What are you doin'?"

'What am I doin'?' What the eff do you think I do at work all day? No, I do not do manual labor; I do hair. What I do is still physical, mental, and sometimes very draining. I cannot chit-chat with you while I'm working. That is rude. I am not being paid top $$ by my clients for them to listen to us argue. 'What am I doin'?' 'What are you doin'?' My house is a friggin' pig-sty. It's like children's services bad (ok, not really, but it's not far from it). Do you think you could clean SOMETHING while you are home...by yourself...with no kids...all day long???

And another thing...

Just because I say I will be done at 8:00 does not mean that you should call me at 8:00 on the nose to check on me. Sometimes, I run behind. And...I still have to clean up my mess.

I'm sorry that you are so insecure in your manhood that you feel the need to call 100 times a day and make sure I am at work. I really don't care if you are lonely all by yourself at home. You want a solution?

GET A JOB!!!

It's not like the house will fall apart without you here. In fact, it might be a little cleaner.

Friday, February 22, 2008

It's Too Late to 'Pologize...

The weather is crappy.
Work has been slow.
I ran out of gas trying to warm up my car.
I have a tooth-ache.

Today is one of those days that I will always commit to memory. Not for the bad things that happened, but for that one funny thing that made the whole day better!

After work, I picked up Owen and Ella Belle from my parent's house. We all piled in the car and strapped in. My parents only live 2 miles from us, so it's a short drive. A song came on the radio, and I got the most adorable serenade from the backseat!

A 3 1/2 and a 5 year old beltin' out Timbaland...need I say more?
So, for 5 whole minutes I hear the following lyrics repeated...over and over and over...

I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to 'pologize, it's too late

50 Little Known Facts About Me...

1. My name is Michelle, but only my Dad and telemarketers call me that. I prefer to go by Shelli.
2. I am the oldest of 4 kids; I am currently 35.
3. I am a firecracker…born on the 4th of July!
4. I was born in Indiana and moved to Ohio 2 days before my 12th birthday.
5. I went to a Catholic grade school for 9 years.
6. I wore a uniform for 10 of my 13 years of school.
7. I think there should be a ban on uniforms!
8. I have one sister, Janet
9. I have 2 brothers, Kenny and Denny (no, they are not twins!)
10. I went to a vocational high school and earned a license in Cosmetology.
11. I was voted "Most Likely to Succeed" by my Cosmetology class.
12. I was pregnant at the time.
13. I have been a Hair Designer for 17.5 years. It will be 18 years in June.
14. My oldest son will be 18 in September.
15. I have 5 children.
16. My brother also has 5 children.
17. My parents have 10 grandchildren, so far.
18. They will get no more grandchildren from me!
19. My 2 nephews and one of my nieces are adopted.
20. My sister-in-law is super cool!
21. I started college at the age of 34.
22. I will have my associates’ degree at the age of 36, I think!
23. I am going to be a Social Worker and Chemical Dependency Counselor.
24. My older 3 children’s father is an alcoholic and a drug addict.
25. He rarely calls my kids.
26. I have never been married (I know, bad girl)
27. My kids are 17, 16, 11, 5, and 3.
28. Boy, girl, girl, boy, girl.
29. Dustyn, Valerie, Sophie, Owen, and Ella.
30. I’m afraid my kids will take after their dad.
31. I live in the house I grew up in (since I moved to Ohio)
32. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie.
33. Morgan Freeman is my favorite actor.
34. When I read a James Patterson book with Dr. Alex Cross’s character in it, I can hear Morgan Freeman’s voice in my head!
35. I can’t type without looking at the keys.
36. I hate to cook.
37. I wish I liked to cook.
38. I wish I knew how to cook.
39. We eat spaghetti…A LOT!
40. We don’t hang out in our family room.
41. Everyone congregates in my bedroom.
42. My bedroom is the messiest room in the house.
43. I sometimes wake up with a bed full of kids, even the teenagers.
44. My hair is blonde, but I color it black…and red.
45. No one believes my hair is blonde.
46. I spend every weekend in the summer at my daughter’s softball games.
47. My daughter says she likes it that I don’t coach her from the bleachers like other parents do.
48. I have to use SPF 50 sunscreen or I look like a lobster.
49. I love to wear make-up, but I never have time to put it on.
50. Everyone comments on my green eyes.

Monday, February 18, 2008

What is That Smell???

I take a weightlifting class. I get a college credit for it. So, since I am actually being graded on working out, I show up and work out! (unlike that Curves membership I used for 2 out of the 12 months I paid for!)

I have a work out buddy. We met in the class, but we live in the same school district and our daughter's both play softball, so we have a lot in common. (the teacher for this class happens to be my daughter's softball coach) There are only 2 other women besides us; the rest are guys. They hang in a group and work out together. We ignore them; they ignore us.

But then there's this one guy...

This guy walks around and bothers everyone. Every once in a while he will get on a machine and do a set, but mostly he just runs his mouth. The teacher can't stand him. And for some reason...which I don't even want to know...even though he NEVER breaks a sweat, he smells like a HOG!

And the smell lingers...

I smell him as soon as I walk in the wellness center (I am always fashionably late:)) and I can smell him long after he's gone. Certianly he must smell himself! How could he not? I just don't understand how someone can walk around stinking. Deoderant is not expensive (especially if you are an expert CVS-er like moi!) and neither is soap!

Who knows? Maybe he heard Matthew McConaughey doesn't wear deoderant and he's trying to get in on some of his action:)~

Sunday, February 17, 2008

A Listening Ear...

I am going to school to be an addictions/chemical dependency counselor. I often question whether or not this is going to be my calling. I don't get much...ok ANY...support at home. I am always reminded that my teenagers have used right under my nose. I think it's different when it's our own kids-we all tend to turn a blind eye.

One assignment I had to complete for my class this quarter was to go to 2 AA or NA meetings, and write a reaction paper. I went to one face to face meeting; which I found to be very enlightning.I stayed after and spoke to one of the guys that runs the YAA meetings that my son attends. I wrote my paper and felt pretty good about my experience. But still, I questioned myself.

Tonight, I decided to take a different approach to a meeting. I looked to see if there were any online meetings. I found one and logged in. I was late; I came in half way throught the meeting. I had a hard time keeping up with the chat...I've never been much for chatrooms. There were a couple of testimonials, and then the meeting ended. After the end of the meeting, people could hang around and chat. There were different rooms to go to, one of them being the "Kitchen". This is the room I choose.

I was making small talk when a man signed on and started talking about being injured by his 16yr old daughter. She had kicked him in the ribs, fracturing them. He needed someone to talk to; normally in this situation, he would drink. We started a conversation. I asked some questions about his daughter and her life. He told me about adopting her when she was 5, and how she had been abused as a baby and toddler. I commended him on adopting an older child-so many people don't want to get involved with the baggage that comes along with them. We discussed different things that could have triggered her outburst. We never came up with a conclusion to her issues, but he thanked me for being there to listen to him.

I helped him, and he helped me. He helped me finally realize that I don't need to have all the answers; sometimes a listening ear is all people need.

Oh Baby...Ella Belle

We went to Target this evening. I was trying to cash in on some 100-calorie pack Goldfish cracker and left or Valentine's Day candy deals that I had coupons for. I raided the clearance racks and got some awesome deals on sweats and shirts for Owen and Ella Belle. We had been there for about 45 minutes when the two little kids were grating on my last nerve. I begged their dad to take them to the car so I could finish shopping. He started on his way out, and as I was standing there looking at the Goldfish crackers, I heard Ella Belle's voice blurt out:

"Oh baby, sweet Momma!"

I have no clue what she was doing, or why she said this. He dad had no clue why she said it either. I was embarrassed, and I was no where near them! Owen learned this particular phrase at preschool from one of his friends. They say it all the time at home, but what made this time so funny is what came next.

There was a woman pushing her daughter in a cart passed Ella Belle when she said this. As this woman went passed my isle, I heard her little girl, who was about 2 1/2 years old, saying:

"Oh baby, sweet Momma. Oh baby, sweet Momma. Oh baby, sweet Momma. Oh baby, sweet Momma."

I feel sorry for this poor woman when she has to explain to everyone that her daughter picked up this phrase in Target!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Tales of Ella-Belle


Ella Belle is an interesting little girl...to say the least. Her name is Ella Julianna, but we have always called her Ella Belle. She is going to be 4 in April. She is tall and thin, and has a tiny little face on this adorable little pea head. I have never let her hair grow long; it has always been cut in an inverted bob, which suits her to a T.

Ella Belle does and says some of the funniest things.

This is her story:

We were CVSing the other day, and Ella Belle spied a digital voice recorder (like the ones on TV)

Ella Belle- "Mommy, I want that! Please can I have that!"
Me- "Ella Belle, you don't need that."
Ella Belle- "But Mommy! I want to say, 'Milk, butter, eggs' into it."
Me- "Do what?"
Ella Belle- "We have to get one so we 'never forget where we park our car again' Mommy!"
Me- (I had to stop pushing the cart to cross my legs so I would not wet myself laughing!) "Ella Belle, you watch way too much TV!"

Today, Ella Belle came to visit me at work. I was doing a nail fill on a friend of mine. Ella Belle went to the restroom, and when she came out, she was walking funny. We both commented about it, but I figured her dad had her in a pull-up (he's lazy) and she had a wedgie.

Ella Belle came up to me about 10 minutes later and said:

Ella Belle- "Mommy!"
Me- " What's wrong baby?"
Ella Belle- "I pooped!"
Me- "In your pants?"
Ella Belle- "NO! In the potty!"
Me- "Did you wipe?"
Ella Belle- "I need help!"

We went back to the restroom, and as we walk in Ella Belle started pulling toilet paper out of her pants. That's why she was walking funny! She had shoved toilet paper in her underwear so she wouldn't get poop on them. Again, I am crossing my legs so I don't wet myself from laughing!

There is never a dull moment with Ella Belle around!

Friday, February 15, 2008

20 Tubes of Toothpaste

I try to buy toothpaste once every two years or so. The last time I bought toothpaste, Meijer and Kroger were still offering super-double coupons. We were down to our last tube-panic set in. I had all but given up on coupons; I could never seem to find any good ones.

Then I was introduced to CVS (thanks Jenny @ Momminitup.com).

I am now the proud owner of 20 tubes of Colegate toothpaste, in assorted flavors. My total cost for all of these?

Drumroll.....

-$22.40! That's right, CVS paid me $22.40 to walk away with 20 tubes of toothpaste.

I found numerous coupons for Colegate thanks to Money Saving Mom and combined them with my Extra Care Bucks to score big on this deal!

Now, the downside...

There was a limit of 5 tubes per CVS card, so I had to enlist the help of my boyfriend and 2 teenagers to help me (I also have them addicted and they had to have their own CVS cards).

I don't think that's too much trouble to have a family with beautiful smiles!