Thursday, April 3, 2008

I Never Knew I Was So HOT!!!


Never a dull moment for me at Kroger! Last week it was the man with the darling moustache.

This week, it was even better!

I was strolling down the freezer isle, trying to balance all my Aunt Jemima breakfast sandwhiches on the top of my fully-loaded cart, when a man aproached me. He said something to me, but he spoke so low that I didn't understand him. I assumed he was trying to find something in the store and was asking me for help. From what I could make out of what he said, I thought he was looking for the bathroom. The following was our conversation:

Him: "Mumble mumble mumble?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't hear your, what did you ask?"
Him: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: (In my head I'm thinking, 'Holy shit! Did he seriously just ask me that?!' I know I didn't hear that right!') "I'm sorry, could you please repeat that? I'm not sure if I heard you."
Him: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: (Crap! He did ask me that!) "Yes, I do."
Him: "You do?"
Me: "Yes, I do. Sorry."

At this point, I walked away. I went into the next isle, and a couple minutes later-there he was! He aproached me again. Now, you have to understand, he spoke very, very low, and I have limited hearing in one of my ears, so I could not hear this guy talk!

Him: "Mumble mumble mumble?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."
Him: "Mumble mumble mumble?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I still didn't hear you."
Him: "Mumble mumble mumble?"
Me: "I'm really sorry, but I don't hear very well, could you please say that one more time?"
Him: (By this time, his lips are damn near in my ear!) "Can I still give you my number?"
Me: (Is he freaking serious?!?!) "Oh, I couldn't do that!"
Him: "Come on, you won't just take my number?"
Me: (OK, time to lie) "Look, I'm married and I have 5 kids, I really can't take your number!"
Him: "Are you sure?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I just can't do that. Sorry!"

I walked away. I looked over my shoulder the rest of the time I was in the store. I was sure the guy was going to follow me out to my car. Luckily, he gave up.

Now, I have not been happy with my little kid's dad for years. I finally got his unemployed, loser-a$$ out of my house. I was very flattered to have someone ask me out, or even show interest in me-it's been a very long time! I would love to meet Mr. Right!

Now, here are the real reasons I did not want his number:

1. His teeth-the guy had a full gold grill-not attractive!
2. His headcovering-stockings are for legs, not heads-unless you plan to rob a bank!
3. His jeans-I have a 17 year old son that doesn't wear his jeans that damn baggy-you wear a 32, not a 42!
4. His stature-dude! I'm only 5'4" and you were no taller than me-I just can't do that!

1 comment:

  1. I think that very same man hit on me last week in Food Lion. But I'm in NC, so either he's a big traveler or there are entirely too many of these sorts.

    ~~Bloghoppin' and lovin' your blog!!!