Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Can You Abandon Teenagers?

First of all, let me just say, I love my kids. All 5 of them. No matter what they do, I have that unconditional love we mothers have for our children.

But do teenagers really count? Like when they hit 17 and 18 and decide that they have no rules and it doesn't matter what mom says because she's always at work so what's she going to do about it anyway? And dad's a homeless drunken bum that we don't have to answer to, so hey, party on Wayne, party on Garth!

OK, So here's the sordid details: about 3 months ago we moved to a new house. This house is about half the size of our old house, and half the cost. The old house had 5 bedrooms, the new house has 3. This should have been no big deal. Dustyn had been shacked up with his girlfriend for over 6 months when we moved, so he was not my #1 priority. The girls could share a room; I even gave them the biggest room and took the smallest for myself. I shared a room with my sister growing didn't kill either one of us! The 2 little kids could share the other room, and things should be just fine.

Keyword: Should be

About 3 weeks into our new house adventure, Dustyn and his girlfriend broke up. It's my fault the house is too small and he doesn't have a bedroom. I told him to sleep in Owen and Ella's room since those 2 sleep with me. Every. Freaking. Night. The next thing I know, Sophie's sleeping on the couch and Dustyn has taken over her bed! OK, so I get another set of bunk beds. We re-arange the girls room so that all 3 older kids can share it. Mind you...Owen and Ella are still sleeping with me. Every. Freaking. Night. Well, Dustyn has this habit of inviting his friends over. I don't have a problem with this, I like his friends. BUT THEY NEVER LEAVE. So, again, Sophie is sleeping on the couch because some random kid is sleeping in her bed. Then, Dustyn breaks Sophie's bed! OK, so it was a used bunk bed, but still...have some freaking respect!

Sophie went in her room today and I heard the older kids yelling at her. She came out crying and asked me if she could move her stuff into Owen and Ella's room. Now, her clothes are already in the living room closet because Valerie took over the closet in their room, and her belongings consist of her softball trophies and World Series pictures. I told her I thought that was a good idea; she could move in there and Ella could start sleeping in there too, and that would just leave Owen with me.

Valerie flipped the fuck out! I'm talking throwing Sophie's trophies and ripping her World Series pictures off the walls (these pictures cost me a fortune, I might add!) She started screaming at me that it's not fair that Sophie is getting the babies room and she asked for it first. She called me a bitch, called Sophie a fat bitch, and told her it's going to be a long year for her in this house.

Oh, and I can just forget about using her Foot Locker discount on anything for Sophie. Well I better bow down right now, cause I don't know how I can manage to live with out Valerie's Foot Locker discount!

By the time Valerie was done throwing her fit, she had sweat rolling off her entire body. Sophie told them she didn't want to share a room with a bunch of pot heads anyway, and my darling teenagers informed her that they have done the research, Marijuana isn't a drug, it's just a just grows there, and if you smoke it, it has side effects: sleepy, hungry, thirsty.

WOW!!! I have raised 2 idiots. I have my CDCA (Chemical Dependency Counselor Assistant). I have shown them all the research on Marijuana...that was not in the information I gave them.

So now everything is calm again. I have a feeling it may have something to do with a "harmless" plant that they went outside and smoked. Idiots. I think I may have to start slipping her some Abilify in her Mountain Dew.

Or maybe Sophie, Owen, Ella, and I could all move away in the middle of the night...nah, that wouldn't work, Dustyn and Valerie don't go to bed until 8am...

Suggestions anyone??


  1. Holy friggin heck. You deserve some kind of medal. I might make you one.

  2. I hear you ARE allowed to abandon children of ANY age in Nebraska. Not sure how long the loophole will stay open, though, so load 'em up! ;)