Saturday, February 14, 2009

Men Are A$$h0le5

Q. What happens when you let your kids have access to the Internet unsupervised?

A. They create MySpace accounts, of course.


Q. What happens when your idiot son posts his cell phone number on his MySpace?


A. Girls call him and he uses 3200+ cell phone minutes in 1 month! (He is a hottie!)


Q. What happens when you buy said son a car (so he can get a job, swear to God!)?


A. He gets a wild idea to drive 200 miles one way to another state to meet phone call girl.


Q. Should I kill him?



So here's the story:



My son has been talking to a girl he befriended on MySpace. They talk for hours. And hours. And hours. I heard through the grapevine (Valerie and Sophie) that he really liked this girl. I wasn't too concerned, after all, she lives 200 miles away in another state!


Then he started hanging out with his ex again. This excited me:) I really like Sarah, and she doesn't take any of Dustyn's crap. She is his best friend's sister...how convenient is that?! And Sarah is 20, so no worries about pissed off girl's dad's (or police) banging on my door! Anyway, Sarah was helping Dustyn find a car last week. We got an awesome deal on a little old lady's '89 Grand Prix. Under 100,000k miles for $850. I couldn't pass it up. The man-child need a job, and to get a job and work a job, he needs a car.


So on Monday Dustyn got his car. We titled the car in his name. He called the insurance company on his own and added the coverage to the car. He went to the BMV and transferred the tags from his old car to his new car. All. By. Himself. This is a man-child who has to ask me how to spell his middle name, so this was pretty impressive to me.


Amazing, just when you think your kids are finally maturing, they have a gigantic brain fart and drive 200 miles to another state to meet a girl from MySpace. Valerie ratted him out. She sent me a text that said, "Dustyn is on his way to Indiana." I was worried sick! This is a kid who can't find his way home from the mall, much less make it 200 miles to another state!


I knew he had to have an accomplice. I called the dumb fuck that I was once delusional enough to procreate with (ok, twice). After 15 minutes of denying it, he finally admitted that he printed Dustyn mapquest directions so he could drive 200 miles to another state. Did I mention said dumb fuck got the clap from his 19 year old coke head girlfriend who got her baby taken away at birth because they both tested positive for cocaine? Oh, gee....did I get off subject? Anywhooo...That stupid fucker knows Dustyn has no internal navigation system; he barely knows his left from his right. I told him that if ANYTHING happened to Dustyn I was holding him responsible, and he could forget about seeing his kids again, since he obviously doesn't give a fuck about potentially putting my son in danger. He just said, "This is why I didn't want to tell you, I knew you'd flip out on me."


Ya think???


So, Dustyn made it 200 miles to another state unharmed. He was refusing to answer his phone, but he did text me occasionally and I did have the following text conversation with him the next morning:

** Disclaimer: I was pissed as hell, but I wanted him to come home, so I played it off like I wasn't. Us moms is super smarty in situations like this!**

ME: u alive?
HIM: yes
HIM: whats up
ME: u could have let me know u made it ok
HIM: sorry
HIM: when do u want me home
HIM: ???
ME: does she have parents?
HIM: yea
ME: and they don't care that u r there?
HIM: no
ME: weird. do u have enuf $ to get home?
HIM: tell me 2day
ME: come home today!!!
HIM: yea
ME: ok. come home today.
HIM: what time
HIM: what time
HIM: pretend 2 be mad
ME: now?
ME: i am pissed!!!
HIM: what time
ME: leave now
HIM: what time do u want me home
ME: how long will it take u?
HIM: y are u mad
ME: u told me to be;)
HIM: lol im driven
ME: so I take it u didn't like her?
HIM: yea but idk
ME: ok. so how far of a drive is it?
HIM: foraver
ME: lol


3 hours later...


ME: where r u?
HIM: the mall
ME: here?
HIM: home
ME: u could have told me u were back.
HIM: I jest got back
ME: Well, at least we know your car runs!


1 hour later...


ME: she has your pic on her myspace.
HIM: fuck lol


My son is a dog. A true asshole. He drove 200 miles to another state to meet this girl, and he is going to break her heart. Not that I think it would have worked anyway, seeing as how she lives 200 miles away in another state. It's the reason he gave me for not liking her that makes me want to kill him, more than I want to kill him for driving 200 miles to another state to meet her. He told me he doesn't like girls that are that "thick".


WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?


Damn, Dustyn, kick me in my big ass gut and slap me in my double chin why don't you? I am ashamed of you! Just for that, I'm posting a pic of your man-boobs on here. Since you're over 18, it's not illegal :)~



JERK

4 comments:

  1. I just looked into the future and saw life with my 4 boys. Thanks for the heads up!

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

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  2. Oh.My.God. Is this what my life is gonna be like when my 3 boys are older?? Man, having boys is not for the weak at heart, right? Although I honestly think it's gonna be my daughter who is my biggest challenge. But I could be wrong. Can I just fast forward through the teenage years?

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  3. Oh. I hate to laugh at your misfortune but the last part had me laughing. I woke the baby. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. hugs

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  4. I just read this again and I am on the floor laughing. One of the best posts I have ever come across.

    ReplyDelete