Tuesday, February 10, 2009

To The Man In The Honda Accord


Dear Asshole,

I am normally a very patient person; I don't sweat the small stuff. This is obviously a quality you do not embrace. Did it make you feel better to scream at me from inside your car because I was trying to change lanes? OMG, I slowed down 5mph to let the van next to me pass so I could slide over, I should be shot! Did I delay you 2 seconds?

Since I have a background in Social Work, I know that there is always a reason behind why people act the way they do. It's called "second order business." I am going to analyse what the hell is wrong with you.

First of all, judging by the look on your face, I bet you have high blood pressure. Imagine that! It would also be my guess that you have a serious case of Erectile Disfunction, though I doubt that matters much to your blow up doll! I'm sure your wife left you for another man, SHOCKER!!! Hell, I would have probably left you for a woman, 'cause your ass is nasty and rude! I would also venture to bet that your car is full of fast food wrappers, you have nausiating body odor, and your feet smell like corn chips. But that's just a guess...

So, dear Asshole in the Honda Accord, the next time someone you're behind is following all traffic laws, please refrain from yelling, cursing, and flailing your arms around at them, 'cause the next time, they may not be as nice as me; they may do more than just flip you the bird!

Love, Hugs, and Xanex,

Shelli


2 comments:

  1. OMG! He must be related to the woman who was at Sonics yesterday. I decided to ditch my bedrest and go get a burger and as I was pulling out this lady started staring at me to make sure that I wouldn't hit her crappy car. So I rolled my window down and asked if I could help her and she turned around.

    Maybe her husband left her too!

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

    ReplyDelete
  2. You and Stesha crack me up. I love that you flipped this man off. Totally deserved.

    Honestly, rude drivers are the bottom feeders of society. Really. I know we are all busy, all in a hurry to get to our destination, but imagine what a much nicer world we would live in if a lane change didn't push another driver over the edge.

    -Francesca

    ReplyDelete