Friday, March 6, 2009

Baby. Momma. Drama. Maury Style

“I am 1,000% sure that he is the father of my baby!”

Are ya really? It’s been my experience with the Maury show that when a girl says that she is 1,000% that the guy she is having tested is the father of her baby, he ain’t. Seriously, what kind of hood rat woman goes on NATIONAL TELEVISION and admits she enjoys her some train action isn’t sure who her baby-daddy is? I admit, sometimes I feel sorry for the girls who have those douche bags men on that they are/were in a relationship with that are just flat out denying the baby for the sake of rumors.

But what I don’t understand is this: If you know a guy has 15 kids, why the hell are you having sex with him in the first place??? And if Douche Bag he isn’t taking care of the other 15 kids, do you think naming your kid Douche Bag Jr. Junior is going to make baby-daddy want to stay with you??? And did you ever think about the risk your kids will run of future inbreeding???

Scary. Thought.

Now I’m not saying it’s all the fault of the trifling ho bags girls. Men have responsibility in this too. Take, for instance, the case of a STD waiting to happen man named Terrence. He was a guest on Maury 3 times. This is what you call babymommadrama!

It seems Terrence had sex with a weave wearing tramp girl named Forever. That’s pronounced Fo-evah, just so you know. Forever was 1,000% sure that Terrence was the father of her baby girl Eternity. Well there you have it! The hooch girl jinxed herself right there…never say 1,000% on the Maury show! “Terrence, you are NOT the father!” She had 4 other men tested and never did find the father of that poor baby! You would think Terrence would have learned from the first time to either keep his soldier in his pants or wrap the sucker up tight, but oh no, not Terrence! Forever had him back again to see if he was the father of her baby Christopher. Again, “Terrance, you are NOT the father!”

Forever decided to put the search for the fathers of Eternity and Christopher on hold. Why, you ask? Because the poster child for gonorrhea she needed to find out who the father of her baby Cincere was. Of coarse, Terrence was first in line when she spread her legs for the DNA test.

Now, before I give the results that I know you are all dying to know, I feel there is something I need to point out. What the hell is up with her naming her son “Christopher”? Don’t people usually have a theme with their kids names? Like either all traditional, or all starting with the same letter, or all off the wall? Her name’s Fo-evah Forever and her kids are Eternity, Cincere, and Christopher….does she want poor Christopher to be an out-cast?

“Terrance, you are NOT the father!”

Hmmm….imagine that. Here’s some advice for Terrence and Forever:

SNIP…SNIP…


9 comments:

  1. Thanks for stopping by my blog! 5 kids? Single mom? Girl, you are my hero! I can't imagine how busy you are! And your header pic is freaking hilarious!

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  2. Thanks for stopping by my blog! This is hilarious. How do you have 5 men tested and none of them are the father of your baby? How many men did you sleep with that week? Good Lord!

    poppingbubbles.net

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  3. Oh man, this post had me cracking up!! I used to watch the Maury show and I always wondered how he could keep a straight face and be all serious when these girls are accusing 3 different guys of being the father and then none of them are and she's still in denial, claiming someone fudged up the test or something. Maury must be desperate for ratings!

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  4. Are they ever the father? Seems like the ones who make it on Maury always are the NOT guys. Adds for more drama!

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  5. Kathy took the grand prize but your insightful two cents earned you the status of official Comment Queen. The badge and award are yours to do with as you please. Share it, hoard it, ignore it..it is all yours!! Congrats and HUGS, Jen

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  6. LMAO This was a GREAT post! I watch Maury all the time lol

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  7. About 2 years ago, at X-mas time, the entire family watched Maury everyday...don't ask, I really don't know why, maybe cause we were on vacation. And you are so right. Each time a girl swore as to who the father was, the percentage kept getting higher. 1000, 2000, 5000, 100K and finally 300K. I am so not kiddng with this. And each time the percentage got higher we were sure it would be closer to one of them being the Dad. But nope! So...I think the higher the percentage you swear it's your baby's daddy, the worse you are actually making the chances of that being true. So what would happen if they went into negative percentages....hmmmm.

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  8. that is so sad! Basically all those shows are so sad but you can't help but watch! What is she doing having three kids and having no idea who the father is of any of them!!

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  9. Oh, Maury, will you ever learn?... I miss the good ol' days of "Send My Out-of-Control Teen to Bootcamp".

    Also, how did you get a picture of my toes on your header???

    Love your blog!

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