Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sux To Be A Legal Adult, Huh Dustyn?

I have always been a very open-minded and lenient mom, especially to Dustyn and Valerie. This is probably why they are the belligerent, lazy, money bumming bums that they are. But I digress...

On Dustyn's 16th birthday, I took him to get his first tattoo. I had a few rules, guidelines if you will, about where he could choose to embed said tattoo, and what it could NOT consist of:

1. Nothing above the shoulders

2. Nothing below the elbows on the arms

3. No drug references

4. No names

On this same trip, I offered to pay for a tongue piercing. I also had a list of guidelines about piercings:

1. No facial piercings

2. No gauging ears

3. No telling mom if you decide to pierce your genitalia

The nice thing about him being a minor was that I had to sign for his tattoo. He decided on a tattoo of the Grim Reaper on his right bicep. Who am I to judge? I have a Power Puff Girls tramp stamp.

But this post isn't about Dustyn's first tattoo. This post is about how many of my guidelines my sweet baby boy has chosen to ignore.

I don't have a problem with his tongue piercing. I do, however, have a problem with the snake bites he decided to inflict on himself (as shown in above pic). Did you know, when you remove a facial piercing for a few days, you can actually squeeze shit out of it like a zit? Yummy!

Then he decided to gauge his earlobe. All his friends were doing it, and yes, he probably would jump off a bridge...He had it stretched to the point that he could stick his pinky finger through his earlobe, and he walked around with a chap-stick lid in it for God only knows what reason. He has sense taken out the gauge. Now, he has what resembles a cat's behind on his earlobe. Sexy.

Yesterday, Dustyn woke up and called for me to come to his room. I found him sitting on his bed, crying like a baby. He held out his arm and said,

"I don't know why I did it."

There, tattooed on the top of his forearm was the word 'Norton', his last name. The dumb ass let some random friend with a tattoo gun give him ink. I think said random friend was either very nervous or suffers from Parkinson's because it is the wiggliest thing I have ever seen. It looks like Owen took a fine-tipped Sharpie and wrote his name. And the 'O's' look like doughnuts!

"Do you think I could scrub it off with an S.O.S. pad?"

I have an idea! Why don't we try that just for shits and giggles? Seriously, Dustyn, no we can't use and S.O.S. pad to scrub it off! But, being the nice mom that I am, I will foot the bill to have the ugly-ass thing fixed. This 1 tattoo broke 2 of my guidelines: 2. Nothing below the elbows 4. No names

So, a word of advice Dustyn: The next time you HAVE TO HAVE A TATTOO, ask your super-cool momma...and maybe you won't wake up in tears.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wow, Payton...

Valerie and Sophie have these two adorable dogs:

Princess Payton (after Peyton Manning...Valerie's a HUGE Colts fan)

Sammy (he was named when Sophie got him...too bad my boyfriend's daughter has the same name!)

Sammy and Payton got their groove on, and had 3 adorable puppies

Brownie the puppy...Owen and Ella were so upset with me for letting Valerie sell all the puppies.

After the birth of the puppies, I decided to have Sammy neutered. Valerie did not like seeing Payton looking like a pygmy goat with her ginormous belly...and I was sick of Owen and Ella running around the house saying, "Mommy! Sammy and Payton have their butts stuck together again!" Sammy is, well, WAS a stud-muffin.

So, the puppies were born on December 23; Sammy was de-nutted in January. Now, all is safe on the puppy mill front.

But, alas, someone forgot to tell Sammy he was now a dud.

Sammy and Payton were running around the house this evening. I glanced over just as Sammy was trying to mount poor innocent Payton. I yelled at Sammy,

"Dude! What the hell are you thinking? You can't do that; you have no nuts!"

Sammy hung his head in shame as he dismounted Payton. He just stood there, embarrassed. And what does Payton do?

She stuck her head between his back legs! She was checking to see if his nuts were actually gone!

Seriously...Payton is a tramp!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Ella Julianna, Princess

April 14, 2004.
It seems like yesterday. I was dreading the thought of going to work. Little did I know I would be working harder than had ever worked before! Five years ago today, I have birth to this little princess:

Seeing as how she was the 5th in line, I assumed she would just walk on out with out much effort on my part. You know what they say about ass-uming! My sweet little baby girl decided she would try making her way through the birth canal facing up. Lucky for me my sweet baby girl was also impatient, so she managed to turn herself rather quickly and slide right on into the world.

Her name is Ella Julianna.

We have called her Ella-Belle since the day she was born. I even had Ella-Belle printed on her t-ball t-shirt. She informed me on the way home from t-ball sign ups that she HATES when people call her Ella-Belle.


My sweet baby is growing up. She is registered for Kindergarten! My sweet baby also has a mind of her own. She knows what she wants, and she usually wants it NOW! She makes disgusting noises out of every orafice of her body. She lives in her own world. She is her own person, and I wouldn't have her any other way!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLA-BELLE!!! I love your burpin', fartin', beautiful self!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Hug Your Children Tonight!!!

I have 5 beautiful nieces and nephews. Of those 5, the oldest boy and the youngest boy and girl were adopted by my brother and sister-in-law. They were not adopted as infants, nor were they adopted internationally. My brother and sister-in-law adopted children that were in foster care. They had 2 beautiful daughters of their own, but they longed for a son. My brother and SIL decided that the only way to ensure having a son would be to adopt one. Matt came into our lives 5 years ago, at the age of 7. He is the sweetest boy, and the perfect addition to our family! Even though they had their son, they decided to open their home and hearts to more children. A couple years later, Haidyn and Dillon found their way into our lives. They are natural siblings, who just happened to be the same ages as my Owen and Ella. Even though they have some behavior and developmental issues, they are a perfect fit within our happy family.

My SIL's parents recently decided to become foster parents. This is the reason for my post. My SIL's parents got a call for an emergency placement this evening. They were told to go to the local hospital where the children been sent by their pediatrician. My SIL called me tonight to ask me if I had heard about these children on the news.

My heart ached when she said this to me. I had read about these children in the newspaper. I even read the police report; it sickened me. I just do not understand how a mother can be so heartless and uncaring. I do not understand how a mother could allow ANYONE to harm her children. I do not understand how this "mother" can look at herself in the mirror.

The only thing these children have is the clothes on their back, and each other. Their bodies are beaten and bruised, but they are SAFE now.

If anyone has extra clothing that they would be willing to donate to these children, please contact me. The little boy is in need of size 5-6, and the little girl needs size 3-4. Any items would be greatly appreciated!