Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sux To Be A Legal Adult, Huh Dustyn?

I have always been a very open-minded and lenient mom, especially to Dustyn and Valerie. This is probably why they are the belligerent, lazy, money bumming bums that they are. But I digress...

On Dustyn's 16th birthday, I took him to get his first tattoo. I had a few rules, guidelines if you will, about where he could choose to embed said tattoo, and what it could NOT consist of:

1. Nothing above the shoulders

2. Nothing below the elbows on the arms

3. No drug references

4. No names

On this same trip, I offered to pay for a tongue piercing. I also had a list of guidelines about piercings:

1. No facial piercings

2. No gauging ears

3. No telling mom if you decide to pierce your genitalia

The nice thing about him being a minor was that I had to sign for his tattoo. He decided on a tattoo of the Grim Reaper on his right bicep. Who am I to judge? I have a Power Puff Girls tramp stamp.

But this post isn't about Dustyn's first tattoo. This post is about how many of my guidelines my sweet baby boy has chosen to ignore.

I don't have a problem with his tongue piercing. I do, however, have a problem with the snake bites he decided to inflict on himself (as shown in above pic). Did you know, when you remove a facial piercing for a few days, you can actually squeeze shit out of it like a zit? Yummy!

Then he decided to gauge his earlobe. All his friends were doing it, and yes, he probably would jump off a bridge...He had it stretched to the point that he could stick his pinky finger through his earlobe, and he walked around with a chap-stick lid in it for God only knows what reason. He has sense taken out the gauge. Now, he has what resembles a cat's behind on his earlobe. Sexy.

Yesterday, Dustyn woke up and called for me to come to his room. I found him sitting on his bed, crying like a baby. He held out his arm and said,

"I don't know why I did it."

There, tattooed on the top of his forearm was the word 'Norton', his last name. The dumb ass let some random friend with a tattoo gun give him ink. I think said random friend was either very nervous or suffers from Parkinson's because it is the wiggliest thing I have ever seen. It looks like Owen took a fine-tipped Sharpie and wrote his name. And the 'O's' look like doughnuts!

"Do you think I could scrub it off with an S.O.S. pad?"

I have an idea! Why don't we try that just for shits and giggles? Seriously, Dustyn, no we can't use and S.O.S. pad to scrub it off! But, being the nice mom that I am, I will foot the bill to have the ugly-ass thing fixed. This 1 tattoo broke 2 of my guidelines: 2. Nothing below the elbows 4. No names

So, a word of advice Dustyn: The next time you HAVE TO HAVE A TATTOO, ask your super-cool momma...and maybe you won't wake up in tears.


  1. I think you probably are the coolest mom ever! also, I think it shows how much you care because you have guidelines. And don't worry, all teens are beligerent, money bumming, and lazy!

  2. IO'm remembering a story Philip told me about his first tattoo (an anarchy symbol) with a homemade tatoo gun. Ahh, to be young and full of it again.

  3. I just have to say what a great Mom you are. Not many Mom's would let there teens do this. I think it is great because he will always come to you. I hope you got out the Sos pad and had fun with it. Have a great day.

  4. This is hilarious. If it were me, though, I'd let him walk around with that ugly NORTON tattoo for a while so his friends can make fun of him before getting it removed. Also, take lots of pictures of it so you can laugh about this for years.

    My own mom took me for my first tattoo as a teenager. You know who hates tatoos? My mother-in-law. I've taken my husband for two. *evil grin*

  5. OMG, I really really hope my kids don't decide to go through this phase. I hope now Dustyn will really think three times before doing anything, AND he'll listen to his momma.

  6. I'm not sure what my stance on piercings and tatts will be. I don't have any so they can't use that excuse (never had a tat, piercing long ago removed). Honestly, I kinda don't care, but I'm hoping that if I forbid it then they will at least get it somewhere that I can't easily see it. Please don't tell me if this doesn't work.

  7. I think you're super cool for footing the bill. Could you adopt me?

  8. You do rock as a mother! At least you are allowing him to become his own person.

    Hugs and Mocha,

  9. Wow, I have to say you must be the coolest, easy-going mom on planet earth! I think it's awesome that you let your son express himself freely and I'm surprised he still doesn't follow your guidelines....he has it so good and doesn't even realize it...LOL!! Apparently, he's learning though...the hard way....but at least he's learning!

  10. You should make him live with that tat for awhile. Just to remind him that his mom is all knowing.